A traditional wedding ceremony at Korea House is indeed very traditional and at the
same time very modern. Not only have time and space been compressed, people who
would never have sat down together in the past — the respective families, relatives, and
guests of the bride and groom — are now gathered in the same place for the wedding
ceremony and the following reception.
The bride and groom sit to the west and east of the high wedding table covered in
red and blue cloth, facing each other, in a traditional wedding ceremony held in the
courtyard at Korea House in central Seoul.
One Saturday at noon, the day is rather cold but the sun is
shining bright and the sky is clear and blue. At Korea House
in downtown Seoul, a cultural showcase run by the Korea
Cultural Heritage Foundation, the courtyard is filled with people. A
marquee and folding screen have been set up in the center. On the
stone base of one of the surrounding wooden halls, seven musicians
in beautiful traditional attire take their places, giving the
space a formal yet glorious ceremonial air. On the ground covered
with matting, a high wedding table has been positioned before the
screen with a small, low table on either side, to the east and west.
The table for the groom is that on the east, which stands for yang
(positive energy) and man, while the table for the bride is that on the
west, which stands for yin (negative energy) and woman.
Wedding in a Classic Courtyard
Arranged on the high wedding table are some plates of food
such as dates and chestnuts as well as a miniature pine tree and a
bamboo plant in pots. A hen and a rooster are placed underneath
the trees. The food on the table may vary from one region to the
next, but common items are dates and chestnuts, which symbolize
wishes for longevity and many children. The evergreen pine tree
and resilient bamboo stand for loyalty and fidelity. Though it is the
middle of the day, two candles, blue and red, stand on the table, also
as symbols of yin and yang. In the past, when weddings were commonly
held at night, candles were absolutely necessary. But even in
modern wedding halls where dazzling chandeliers hang from the
ceiling, you will still see these candles on a table. And the weddings
generally start with the mothers of the bride and the groom entering
the hall together and lighting the candles.
Back at Korea House, south of the wedding table chairs are laid
out in rows, as at any other wedding. On one side sit the guests of
the groom and on the other side the guests of the bride. A lot of
other people stand, crowding the yard. Some are standing because
there are no spare seats and others are foreign tourists, but a large
number of them have come just to hand in their envelopes containing
gifts of cash, greet the bride and groom and their family members,
and hurry away before the ceremony ends. While a preference
for small weddings is growing, most weddings in Korea are still big
events that many must attend with a cash envelope in hand. That’s
why a wedding invitation in the mail is sometimes considered a bill
to pay.
Finally, the nice and portly officiant arrives, dressed in a long
white coat and high black hat, and takes his place on the northern
side of the table. In recent times, when a minister or priest
does not preside over the wedding, this role is performed by one of
the groom’s former teachers or a friend of the parents, a respected
figure of good standing in society. But in a traditional wedding,
all that was needed was someone to read the order of proceedings,
so in most cases an elderly neighbor who could read literary
Chinese presided over the ceremony. Today’s officiant is a professional
host registered with Korea House who sometimes presides
over ssireum (Korean wrestling) competitions. At last, he opens the
large folding fan on which the order of proceedings is written and
solemnly announces the start of the wedding by saying, “Haeng
chinyeongnye.” In case the crowd might not understand the archaic
Sino-Korean , he explains that the groom will now proceed
to greet his bride.
Greeting the Bride at her House
Under Confucian tradition, chinyeongnye is the rite in which the
groom goes to fetch his bride and bring her to his home for the
wedding. The “Annals of the Joseon Dynasty” from the early period
notes: “In the traditions of our country, the groom goes to live at the
bride’s house and his children and grandchildren grow up in the
home of their maternal relatives,” and “Unlike the Chinese, we do
not have the custom of the groom taking the bride back to his family
home to live. Hence, men regard their wife’s maiden home as their
own and her parents as their own parents, calling them mother and
father.” As Confucian influence grew and took hold in Joseon, Neo-
Confucian scholar-officials argued that since man is yang and represents
heaven and woman is yin and represents the earth, women
should obey their husbands and go to live at their husband’s home
after marriage. That is, the man should not go to his wife’s house to
live when married, but bring his wife to his own parents’ home.
The royal family first led by example, then encouraged the common
people to practice chinyeong as well, and send the bride to
live at the groom’s home. Sometimes this marriage custom was
enforced, but with little success because marriage is not only about
where the couple will live. Many other social systems also come
into play, such as inheritance of assets and the holding of ancestral
memorial rites. Hence a compromise was made and the custom of
ban-chinyeong (“half-chinyeong”) was established. That is, the wedding
ceremony was held at the bride’s home, and after living there
for some time the married couple went to live at the groom’s parental
home. Indeed, various compromises were suggested. At first they
lived at the woman’s maiden home for three years, but it is said this
period was later shortened to only three days. The officiant earlier
announced the start of chinyeong, but it seems Korea House has
been appointed as the bride’s home for today’s wedding ceremony.
Bride and groom exchange three cups of liquor in the “rite of unifying the cups,”
which signifies the union of the two as one.
When the musicians begin to play, the officiant uses the classical
Sino-Korean words and modern Korean to announce that “the
bridegroom will enter, as well as the goose-father.” The goosefather
is a friend of the groom’s who serves as his attendant carrying
the wooden goose to be presented to the bride’s family as a
gift in a rite called jeonanrye. The goose is used as a wedding gift
because it is known to come and go according to the seasons (or
the flow of yin and yang) and to mate for life; thus it is considered a
symbol of fidelity.
Before long, the groom’s party enters the yard from behind the
opposite building. The groom is dressed in a crimson official’s robe
and black scholar’s hat, the uniform of a high-ranking official of the
Joseon Dynasty. As Joseon was a Confucian state, the ideal for men
was to pass the state exams and become a government official.
So, on their wedding day, even men of the commoner class were
permitted to wear an official’s uniform. Leading the groom are two
young boys, one carrying a red lantern and the other a blue lantern.
This is a feature that was adapted from the flower girls and page
boys of Western-style weddings.
The officiant calls out the following procedures: “The groom will
go to the bride’s house and lead her to the wedding ... The groom
will go down on his knees and place the goose on the table ... The
groom will stand up and bow twice.” As before, he speaks the original
Sino-Korean words, then gives the modern translation and an
explanation when needed. Next, the groom gives the goose to the
mother and father of the bride, who are seated inside the hall at
the front, and makes two deep bows. This ends the goose-presenting
rite. The groom turns and heads back for the courtyard and,
according to the celebrant's instructions, the bride appears from
inside. She is dressed in a red skirt and light-green jacket and has
a jeweled coronet on her head.
This wedding costume is a copy of
the ceremonial dress of upper-class women of the Joseon period.
Like the groom, the commoner bride was permitted to wear these
clothes on her wedding day as it was meant to be the most joyous
and important day in her life.
Arrival of the Couple for the Ceremony
Now the wedding party comes down the stairs into the courtyard
with the lantern-carrying boys in front, followed by the groom
and then the bride. This procedure, too, is a slight variation on the
entry of the groom first and then the bride in a modern wedding.
The groom stands on the eastern side of the wedding table and the
bride on the western side. They wash their hands as a symbol of
purifying body and mind, then bow to each other. This rite is called
gyobaerye (“bow exchanging rite”), signifying a promise to spend
their lives together. While it is not uncommon these days for couples
to get married after the woman gets pregnant or gives birth,
in pre-modern times, when marriage was decided between two
families rather than the couple concerned, the rite of exchanging
bows was when the bride and groom saw each other for the first
time. The bride, with the help of her attendants, first bows twice
to the groom, who then bows once in return. Once again the bride
bows twice and the groom once. Though the celebrant explains that
woman is yin, which equals even numbers, and man is yang, which
equals odd numbers, it is likely that young female guests wondered
why the bride has to bow twice as many times as the groom.
CHANGING MARRIAGE CUSTOMS
For Koreans, marriage used to be the most important occasion
in life. The harmony and union of man and woman — of yin
and yang — was a part of the shamanic cosmology and worldview
long before Confucianism. Men and women had to marry;
failure to do so was considered a great misfortune. In the agricultural
society of Joseon, local officials sought out men and women
who had not married and found a match for them. If yin and yang
are not in harmony and heaven is filled with lingering regrets and
grudges, it was believed the flow of heavenly energy would be
disordered to possibly bring drought and famine. The modernday
influx of brides from Southeast Asia to marry Korean men in
the countryside who are unable to find wives is not unrelated to
this line of thought. The custom of arranging a spiritual marriage
for young men and women who
die unwed still continues to this
day. One of the tales handed
down from antiquity is that the
most fearful ghosts are the
spinster ghosts and bachelor
ghosts who died before they
could marry.
Today, however, the proportion
of young Koreans who say
marriage is not necessary has
risen to well over 50 percent;
the annual number of marriages
fell below 300,000 in 2016 for
the first time in 40 years. Some
argue that economic factors
such as the impossible cost of
housing are to blame for young
people delaying or even giving
up on marriage and the rising
marrying age. The average age
of first marriage rose by five
years for both men and women
over the past 15 years. Terms such as “old miss” or “daughter
past the marrying age” have disappeared into the past.
Korean marriage customs underwent great change during
the Joseon Dynasty when Confucianism was upheld as the governing
ideology. Then, with the introduction of Christianity in the
process of the nation’s modernization, the so-called Westernstyle
wedding became the vogue, but with a celebrant other than
the minister or priest presiding over the occasion. The wedding
venue also shifted from the bride’s home to a church or wedding
hall.
Laid on the wedding table are plates laden with foods such as dates
and chestnuts, a miniature pine tree and a bamboo plant symbolizing
loyalty and fidelity, and a red candle and a blue candle. Traditionally,
a live hen and a rooster wrapped in red and blue cloths, respectively,
were placed on low tables underneath the main table, but today replicas
are used instead.
The discussion of the marriage between the two families
concerned (uihon) is still carried out, but the wishes and
preferences of the two people concerned have become much
more important. Even specialized matchmaking companies
have emerged. As the man is yang, no matter what people really
believe, the marriage proposal letter and the groom’s four pillars
(time, day, month, and year of birth) are sent by the groom’s
family to the bride’s, a procedure called napchae, and the bride’s
family sends a letter notifying the groom’s family of the wedding
date, a procedure called yeongil — two customs that continue to
this day, though they are often omitted.
In the nappye procedure, when the groom’s family sends gifts
to the bride in a chest, it was customary in the past to send silks
or other fabrics for the bride to make her wedding clothes. Amid
Korea’s rapid economic growth,
however, jewelry such as rings
and necklaces were added to
the chest. Just a decade or
so ago, the spectacle of the
groom’s friends going to the
bride’s house to “sell the chest”
was not an unusual sight. One
friend served as the “horse”
and wore a dried-squid mask
on his face and carried the
chest on his back while another
friend was the “coachman”
who directed the horse. When
this party of friends neared the
bride’s house, they would claim
they could go no further with
such a heavy chest, whereupon
the bride’s family and friends
would emerge from their house
with food and drink and money
to give them the energy to put
on a spurt and enter the house
with the chest. They would pretend to argue back and forth, one
side refusing to budge and the other side cajoling them to come
inside. Sometimes, the playfulness of the groom’s friends would
go a bit too far and voices would be raised.
Moreover, there was an old custom of teasing the groom.
When the groom arrived at the bride’s home for the wedding,
the young men of the village or young male relatives of the bride
would test his suitability with various tricks and pranks. Originally
practiced on the bride’s side, the teasing of the groom is these
days often the job of his own friends.
Union Sealed with Three Cups of Liquor
When the bowing ceremony is over, the main part of the wedding
begins: hapgeunrye (“rite of unifying the cups”). The bride and
groom drink three cups of liquor during the ceremony. The celebrant
explains that the first cup represents a vow to heaven and
earth, the second cup is a vow of tying the knot, and the third is a
vow to love each other and stand by each other for life. The cups for
the third vow are made from the two halves of a split gourd; after
the couple have exchanged their liquor cups and made their vows,
the two halves are joined together again. This is meant to show
that the man and the woman are made for each other and that the
two are now joined as one. Traditionally, the gourd was decorated
with red and blue threads and hung from the ceiling of the newlywed’s
bedroom to keep watch over them. In the course of their lives
together, when the couple had problems they were meant to look
at the gourd and think again. As such, in a traditional Korean wedding,
there were no spoken vows or exchange of rings. The bride
and groom simply faced each other and bowed, then looked at each
other over cups of liquor. In this way, they quietly promised to spend
their lives together.
Next, the officiant announces that the newlywed couple will bow
to each set of parents and to the guests. This procedure, called
seonghollye, is also borrowed from modern weddings. The officiant
then signals the end of the wedding, advises the couple to love
each other, raise their children well, be grateful and dutiful to their
parents, and be useful members of society, and lastly thanks the
guests for taking time out of their busy lives to witness the wedding.
It’s a very short speech in the manner of the celebrant at a modern
wedding.
The traditional wedding has come to an end at Korea House, but
yet another ritual awaits at most modern wedding halls. In a room
set aside for this purpose, hyeongugorye (“rite of presentation to
the parents-in-law”) takes place. Traditionally, this rite in which the
bride formally greeted her in-laws was performed after the first
night spent at the groom’s family home (in the case of chinyeong) or
after the first three nights spent at the bride's family home (in the
case of ban-chinyeong). But it has been incorporated into the wedding
ceremony these days.
In a traditional Korean wedding, there were no spoken vows or exchange of rings. The bride and groom
simply faced each other and bowed, then looked at each other over cups of liquor. In this way, they
quietly promised to spend their lives together.
After the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom face their parents
and guests to bow before them as an of gratitude. This
ceremonial practice comes from modern weddings.
Epilogue
The norms of Korean marriage and family life have been criticized
for their dominant patriarchal tendency. But changes in
recent times seem to indicate we are going back to the days of
early Joseon, before Confucian ideology became so strongly rooted.
Among newlywed couples, relations with the woman’s family and
relatives seem to be growing stronger than relations with the man’s
family and relatives. And, as far as the man is concerned, there is
increasingly less distinction made between his own parents and his
wife’s parents when it comes to the rules and customs for funeral
rites. In terms of inheritance, legally there is no distinction between
sons and daughters. In modern Korea, it seems the wedding is not
so much a solemn rite in which the bride and groom vow to spend
their lives together, but rather a kind of performance: one event in
the process of marriage that can be freely arranged with new inclusions
and exclusions or reconfigured from scratch.